Rest in Peace

I thought that Apple

Was supposed to create jobs

Not take them away.

Mild Concussion

Fought a shelf today

at work. Got in one good hard

headbutt, but I lost.

Ode to Vegemite

Vegemite tastes like

a yeast infection would taste.

Oh! Wait! It is one.

Of All Things, A Unicorn

Being commonwealth,

Canada's crest should sport a

Badger and a trout.

Two, and We'd Be Bananas

If our D.N.A.

Was off by just one percent

We would be dolphins.

Comfort Food

Making bacon and

eating a tub of icing.

Contradictory.

Why Is It Milk?

A coconut is

A lot more like a fruit than

it is like a cow.

Rookie Mistake

GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

Extracted the egg-beater

Whilst on high power.

Broken Dishwasher

Bran flakes left to dry

Create a bonding substance

Similar to grout.

This is My Job

A giant game of Jenga

My boss and I play with the

Cigarette cartons.

Hacked by accident
How the hell did this happen?
What the fuck google.

Osama Bin Laden

Burial at sea.

Seemed like a good idea!

Just like Megatron.

No, Forrest, No

I hope the world ends

Before the Gump sequel set

For twenty-thirteen.

Customer Empathy

"Well, could you just point?"

She asks for the oranges

While he writhes in pain.

Official Term

The doctors will say:

"Finger induced trauma" when

you have a nosebleed.